I am restoring and keeping this excised portion of a personal diary to my webpages solely to indicate the level of my rage and despair just prior to figuring out that the Humana v. Forsyth decision of the US Supreme Court on January 20, 1999, had application for me. It is filled with epithets and language most foul, so beware. It is also not to taken seriously as any threat to anyone, nor are any of the assertions or conjectures or epithets to be understood as necessarily real. It is, however, to be understood as very real as to my emotional state at that time.

The rage unchanneled was soon to be channeled after the realization that State Farm was indeed engaging in racketeering rather than business and that I could sue them under the RICO Statutes. My task then became one of learning Federal Law and of writing a suitable Federal Complaint. Since the Internet contains law libraries and I can manage to use a keyboard, that task became possible, and has had the desired emotional RESULT.

January 3, 1999
On Monday, 01/04/99, yet another judicial conference is scheduled, whereupon another "legal representative" (a.k.a. moronic imp) of State Farm will show up, before a judge, without State Farm's authority to say shit, which is exactly what he, she or it is worth. A reminder: this is SOP at numerous (about six) judicial conferences, also called "settlement conferences" Ha! - State Farm has not yet mentioned the word "settlement" in 5 years, though one of their attorneys mistakenly has. I become weaker physically with every passing day, zeroing in on total quadraplegia as State Farm and its murderous bitches Sandra Romei, and especially Carole Rickelmann, in their complete psychopathology insist on attempted murder. What they are not imagining, and cannot imagine is my absolute intransigence and devotion to a vengeance that is inconceivable. No matter what it takes. I am, after all, since State Farm has reduced me to it, the world's most dangerous person: one who has great technical and biological knowledge, and has nothing to lose but his life, which has been turned into a pure degenerative hell by State Farm, Sandra Romei, and Carol Rickelmann in particular, which removes from me ALL bounds of ethics or scruples. Those two bitches will be punished, if not not properly by the law as State Farm must be; then properly punished by my standards, by me. They should pray that justice triumphs; otherwise vengeance will be mine. YOU - God Damned Whoreish Bitches haven't much time left, before I lose it - what I will do is beyond your puny comprehension. I leave you no clues, O Maggots crawling from the stinking filth, that arrogantly, and deceitfully calls itself "State Farm Insurance.".

The physical degeneration, which advances day by day as my carefully controlled and focused rage increases day by day, leaves me now unable to be on my feet for any more than five minutes.

The one thing that I can't seem to get through some thick heads is that the physical degeneration accelerates the longer this criminal beast called State Farm Insurance insists, purposefully and maliciously on holding me in the destitution that it has equally purposefully and maliciously created for me. The calculaed evil and criminality of State Farm Insurance has now been deliberately perpetrated continuously for years, causing more and more physical problems.

I can do nothing physical, but my mind is sharpened and its evil increases with every passing day, without bound. At my fingertips is your hell. If God will not damn you to lifelong suffering, I will. Pray (useless. for I am now as merciful as a computer) or surrender you Fucking God Damned Whores - or your suffering will be beyond imagination. Innocent bystanders are irrelevant.

Do not for one moment, Mr E. Rust Jr., master of State Farm and its arrogant and pernicious evil, think that you, the coordinator and source of malifica malifacae have been forgotten or ignored:

	"Der Rache Werk sei nun beschworen
         aus meiner wilder Busens Nacht!
	 Die in suessern Schlaf verloren,
         WISST!
         dass fuer euch, das Unheil wach!"

January 9, 1999
Here I sit. That is what I do mostly, when not sleeping. I am fortunate that Alan, despite continuous pain, is able to do the cooking and associated things like cleaning up afterwards, and the shopping that comes before; without that, I haven't the slightest idea how I could or would live.

A major diversion is watching videos and tonight we watched "Fearless", which is quite a wonderful movie about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I had seen the movie before deciding to order it for the video store. Like many other things, I forgot it, remembering only that it was a good movie. It was like watching a movie I'd never seen before.

One of the mind catching things about "Fearless", seeing it this time, was the bonding that can go on among survivors of catastrophic disasters. I thought about the bonding that goes on over the Internet between people who are survivors, and yet still suffering from the catastrophic disaster known paradoxically as Insurance. There is a lot of that going on and it acts much like group therapy that can arise from catastraphies that are natural and not directly and deliberately caused by human beings.

A difference is that with a natural disaster, if you believe in a God of goodness, the disaster can bring about the bewildered question as to how such evil could be permitted. I will leave the answers to such questions to Jesuits and theologians who are inclined to provide them. In the catastraphies caused by insurance companies such as State Farm, there are no such questions. God is replaced by The State, in the USA this means the Federal and State Governments, whose sole purpose and reason for existence is to protect individuals - each and every one of us equally, from externally as well as internally wrought harm.

The State allows such evil because it has been bought, perverted from its reason for existence, subverted, suborned at every level and must either be brought back to its duty by its testicles and labia, or be destroyed, just as history has shown happens when the self proclaimed mighty abuse their purely temporary powers.

The Klinton circus, with which our brilliant media is so enthralled, is nothing more than a sure indication that there is nothing of substantial worth or legitimate purpose left in the US government, or its completely unbacked currency. All is vanity - and hot air, the hot putrid air of a rotten government that spreads out from the capitol. It not only can happen here; it already has.

The NJ case against State Farm, simply for contractual performance, still drags on. This is their typical war of extortion, so that one will be so worn and destroyed that they might accept the few crumbs that State Farm may offer, amounting usually to what they should have done in the first place, if that.

As far as know, Sandra Romei is still, after six months of hiding under her desk, avoiding deposition. I have heard from my inside sources at State Farm more on Carole Rickelman from State Farm's Special Investigative Unit , or should I say "The Bitch, Carole Rickelmann". I do hope I have her name spelled correctly, it was misspelled in the transcript of my deposition by State Farm. She is apparently not exactly loved even within the stone walls of State Farm, and known by my sources to be arrogant, vindictive and just a mean person.

I know about the classic psych experiments of "Guards and Prisoners" that had to be aborted because so many of the seemingly healthy guards started becoming not only abusive, but life threatening to the Prisoners; that has certainly disabused me of any notions that human beings were "essentially good". The situation with Carole Rickelmann, however, goes beyond those experiments; she has already had the pleasure of seeing the physical damage that State Farm has caused me. Not only has she had no remorse, pity or even mercy, she has stepped in, overriding State Farm's attoneys to continue the torture, deliberately and maliciously. It is difficult to imagine anything operating here but a profound sociopathy and psychopathology. Was State Farm's Bitch, Carole Rickelmann an abused child? It is well known that abused children often turn out to be abusers themselves. Is State Farm's Carole Rickelman doing this because I am a man? Was she raped? I once thought that rape was the worst crime that one human being could commit against another; I was wrong, and now am experiencing an worse crime being committed by State Farm, through the deliberations of Carole Rickelmann, aided and abetted by the Government of the State of New Jersey. What she and State Farm as well as the New Jersey Government perpetuate against me is indeed worse than rape, whose only grace, if one could call it that, is that the actual event is of limited, and generally short, duration. This is rape, theft, together with calculated and malicious torture, exactly for the purposes of further rape and theft. The position and power that Carole Rickelmann has in State Farm would be a rewarding one for a sociopath; who would in earlier days have been committed to an institution for the criminally insane. We are a much more civilized country now: we send them to work for insurance companies in positions where they can perform actions that would make most people vomit, and be paid for what they do, with money extorted from their victims.

Anyhow, while I can manage to get in and out of bed, walk maybe a few hundred feet and stay on my feet for between 10 and 15 minutes, depending on the day, and be fed, I still have the emotional support of the people who love me and of my many comrades in arms, I haven't yet despaired of justice in one form or another. With long duration, there are normal levels of physical pain, torture and hell to which one can become accustomed; even this, however, is an unstable balance, as is the container of my rage that I use as a force to go on. I would not even attempt to dissipate my rage in any available channel, nor even lose or deny that rage. The balance is to have it as my ally, not as my own destroyer. Mostly, with help of my therapist, and the love by and of friends, that balance is kept, despite the ongoing physical losses, day by day, which are being caused by the state of destitution in which Carole Rickelman and State Farm keep me by a policy of extortion.

January 10, 1999
A Sunday, and time for a few of my my most dreaded activities: shaving because I can't stand it any more; having to be washed and scrubbed in a shower because my arpits smell like cheetah's and my crotch from the leaking of urine smells like a latrine and I have sores on my skin from not bathing.

It has to get that bad before I will endure the agony and humuliation of merely being washed. I was diagnosed with "frozen shoulder", now I have "frozen body" in more ways than one. While being naked in the bathroom, I also get a chance to see my distended belly from weakened abdominals. The spinal cord damage really has weakened everything. Walking is bad enough without the consequent exaggerated curvature caused by the weakened abdominals. It's just wonderful to see and feel your body turn to shit, and know that there is State Farm out there with people like Sandra Romei, Jane Savastano, Idiana Murray and, of course Carole Rickelmann doing these things and getting paid for it. I guess Torquemada was paid for his atrocities too.

The levels of pain, discomfort, inabilities, frustration and exhaustion that this washing and shaving causes remind me with great force of the cause of it all, State Farm insurance, and its New Jersey employees Sandra Romei and Carole Rickelmann. The rage and hatred rises to levels way beyond murderous. I know now physically what the meaning of the phrase "seeing red" means; it is physically true, in momenst of excruciating rage your vision doe in fact become all tinged with red, and I can understand how murder can be committed in those moments of induced insanity. It is the insanity of a trapped and deliberately tortured rat - a human being driven by the subhuman into an animalistic state withe the sole blind purpose of survival or death because the torture can't be endured any more.

On another subject - the primary medication that keeps me from being overwhelmed by neural pain is Neurontin (Gabapentin). Its function, as I've mentioned in this diary before is supression of the body's production of the neurotransmitter glutamate. As a side effect it may effect learning ability by reducing the plasticity of the brain's synaptic connections. This would not be clear to me experientially since there are so many other factors that are effecting me as a direct result of State Farm's extortion, and fraud that it would be difficult to separate out any drug related cause. The ability to read or even hold a book, as well as the economic freedom that used to provide the ability to purchase books is reduced to almost nothing, so who knows.

As I sit here typing while my body rots continuously at the mercy of State Farm and my own completely useless and corrupt government, it is clear that I make typing mistakes (I'm not a typist and the keyboard rests on my legs) because I have difficulty seeing the screen. I need to have eyeglasses for this, which means travelling to another county. My eyes seem also to have deteriorated. Why should they be any different?

Then, of course, there is the dire need for dental work. A cleaning, which I now haven't had in three years, is obviously overdue. Any permanent damage to the infrastructure of an expensive synthetic construction that was done about ten years ago? It looks like I won't know until an emergency that could be a brain infection. Isn't State Farm wonderful? A real "Fucking Good Neighbor"; don't bend over, with or without pants on. The levels of damage that they can wreak is almost beyond counting. State Farm should be declared our richest National Criminal, and therefore our greatest evil, withe possible exception of our "National Asylum for th mentally enfeebled". Mark Twain said it, long before; and, it remains true.

As it happens, I have a very good dentist right here in Robbinsville. However, he is not registered or whatever the hell the bureaucratic bullshit is for Medicaid. And, since State Farm has impoverished me so that I now exist at the mercy of Social Security Supplemental (actually supplementing nothing) Income and Medicaid I can no longer go to my dentist. A Federal law says so. If he were to treat me, he could have *his* license to practice dentistry revoked - I kid you not. What kind of bullshit is this? The perverse bullshit of our "already dead but doesn't have the good sense to lay down" government of occupation.

January 21, 1999
A go around with my therapist on the extent amd magnitude of the rage at at State Farm amd right noe at that fucking sick bitch, Carole Rickelmann, (yes m'am with an 'e' and TWO 'n's - bitch) had me thinking much beyond the therapy session. From Freudianism comes the simplistic notion that all things later in life are the recreations of the traumas of childhood, a concept that we pursued today. I wrestled with the thoughts of childhood traumas, all of which were understood, forgiven an integrated long ago. No, it doesn't all go away; we have these things called memories, and there is no real escaping history (a lesson some imbecilic government types, had they minds, might take into account). There is an alternative to Freud's gross mistakes, and that is to understand that we *are* at very least 80% totally genetically determined. Personally, I believe the percentage is closer to 90%.

So, where does my rage come from? This is a rage gigantic enough to destroy all human life, to throw the earth into the sun, and not have one nanosecond of remorse. or even give it second thought. Where could such completely destructive rage come from? Finally, I know the answer, and it is clear as crystal; I have not one shred of doubt. It stems from my very nature. Criminal by birth?
No! Generous by birth!
My real life is as a scholar, a scientist, an artist, a teacher. A creator! One who simply gives for the joy of giving, without any expectation of return, except possibly the joy at the joy of the recipient. That was what I did because that was my nature. I knew that there were evil people in the world and knew to avoid them. But, I have this government - the government of the State of New Jersey which *required*, by law, that I purchase automobile insurance. INSURANCE - MIND YOU! It was done. There was not much choice in the matter since my government essentially held a gun to my head and said, "PAY! - OR WALK!" I was essentially a creator and maker of things, some very real, that I had the pleasure of seeing other people use, others more abstract or conceptual.

Now, I am faced with complete thievery, betrayal in the ugliest and most heinous form by State Farm, extortion, deliberate and calculated destruction of of my abilities to create, infliction of of great and permanently debilitating pain, abandonment by the very government whose only function is to protect my individual rights, inclusing those of redress, and the undoubted drooling delight by Carole Rickelmann of State Farm in her utterly ghoulish task of destruction.

The creator and giver is given over by his own espoused governmental protectors (who have been paid, by the way, but have been clearly paid more by insurance companies, like State Farm) to the ultimate and seemingly inescapabale force of destruction, allowed by human beings, to exist: insurance companies, and State Farm in particular.

There, that is the origin and substance of my rage: given who and what I am, I have been unimaginably betrayed: not only by State Farm and its avaricious psychopathology of destruction, which has collected thousands of dollars over many years; not only by the government of the State of New Jersey; not only by the Federal government of The United States of America; but by the evil and sickness of the entire species, which has not only allowed and condoned this criminal behavior by State Farm and other insurance companies as matter of course, but by the intrinsic evil and sickness of of an entire destructive, fundamentally deranged and evil species who would manufacture such an entity as State Farm, know very well what it does, and still permits it to exist. State Farm is no better than the Taliban in its "so monstrously ugly, it is beautiful" example of why the pigs which we eat are more noble and moral than the slime called humanity.

The human species is nothing but a particularly foul mistake of evolution. While this true moral filth, State Farm, is allowed to exist in this, of all countries, I will continue to think that the entire planet would best be cast into the sun so that all memory of its existence should be destroyed forever.

On January 12, I faxed my attorney a letter, and received a letter, along with copies of letters that were previously sent to me and case law. The essence of my attorney's letter is that I was fucked, am fucked, and will remain fucked for the rest of what I expect to be a short life.

Is there anything that could make clearer the fact that we ALL live in a fascist country controlled by a completely corrupt and evil government of occupation, bought and paid for by the racketeering insurance cartel? If I live long enough, it will be a joy to see it all collapse in the shit of its own making, as it will without doubt. All their stolen money not worth a thing.

What I am being told by my attorney is that, Goddamn FUCKING, theieving, criminal, extorting rackketeers like State Farm may do exactly as they please, marauding, pillaging, raping thieving, and murdering precisely because "THE FUCKING LAW" of, this once free country now says that they can, and worse that they can get away with it because the fucking law of the fucking shit hole State of New Jersey and its Whore Governor has given them protection under ANY circumstances. Cf. The Eleventh Ammendment to the Constitution, originally passed with the sensible intent of preserving the Sovereignty of the States thereby preventing too strong a central Federal Government. This is a wonderful example of how any protective law can and will be perverted into serving the opposite purpose. See also McCarran Ferguson and ERISA.

I have now made an irrevocable decision, which is predicated on a simple premise: I will NOT live the rest of my life - MY LIFE! - GODDAMN MY FUCKING GOVERNMENT and its laws of hell, as an unproductive, uncreative, invalid pauper.

My supposed species disgusts me. My totally evil government of occupation disgusts me to the point of vomitting. State Farm and all its whores, thieves, thugs and murderers is a filth that should have been staked andf left in the sun until birds pecked their miserable eyes out. There are not words in English vile enough to describe my hatred of State Farm, my Federal Government of Occupation, or the unadulterated shit that is called New Jersey.

I have two choices: either I get back the life that has been deliberately and maliciously stolen from me by State Farm, ALL OF IT, or I will have no life at all. From the letter from my attorney, I gather that I will have no life at all. But, I have no intention of leaving what is left of my life quietly.

This site will broadcast, and contain the quicktime visuals, when I am ready, of what it looks like to see a human being insert a gun into his mouth aim at the base of the brain to destroy all life functions, and pull the trigger. I will announce just when on this page, with enough lead time. Please copy, mirror and distribute all of these insurance pages which start at

	http://graham.main.nc.us/~bhammel/ins.html

ANYBODY who tries to interfere with me physically, will be killed, without fail. From this day on, a very lethal, loaded gun will be within grasp at all times; I can and will kill anybody who interferes. All anybody can do who arrongantly attempts interference is make my suicide sooner, and die in the process. MY FUCKING GOVERNMENT and ITS GODDAMN FILTHY JOKES THAT IT DARES CALL LAWS NOTWITHSTANDING, the little that is left from the life that has been stolen from me, what is left of my physical abilities, is all and completely, still mine. NO ONE owns me or any part of me. IT IS MY LIFE, MY BODY AND I WILL DO WITH THEM AS I SEE FIT. I refuse to live under the rule of the true and absolute moral filth that is the government of the United States of America. You, government "politician" you whores who stink with the stench of rotten flesh are enough to make Thomas Jefferson puke in his grave.

Why am I doing this? I have standards of productivity and standards of life conditions that have been deliberately and maliciously stolen from me and destroyed by State Farm Unsurance, aided by the slimey government of State of New Jersey. MY FUCKING GODDAMN GOVERMENT OF OCCUPATION has seen to it that I have NO RIGHT WHATSOEVER of legal redress, making impossible for me to live my life on my terms. State Farm, and slime and filth for government, and a species so stupid that it allows it all. Why don't you morons enact more Unconstitutional "Tort Reforms" that further deprive the people of this country of their fundamental rights of life and liberty. After all, what the hell does a government exist for if not to enslave its people until they can't stand it anymore and finally rip the fucking throats of their slaveowners out; that is long overdue in this country already.

Sandra Romei, you fucking whore, Carole Rickelmann, you goddamnn filthy little whore bitch, Mr. Edward Rust Jr., you living embodiment of the worst of all human decay and rot (and who probably rapes and murders children on his day off), I find you all guilty of MURDER, racketeering, grand larceny, extortion, and almost every other possible evil ever perpetrated by one human being on another.
Fuck you all - and have a nice day.
But don't think for a minute that I am even near through exposing your rottenness, or that I ever will be.
Go ahead, have me murdered, sue me - it won't matter. You have already murdered me in cold blood, my body, my spirit. Nothing matters. There is nothing left that you can do to me, you insidious fucking shits, excuses for human beings. My life isn't worth shit; you fucking whore bitches and you motherfucking sons of bitches have seen to it. I will make your lives hell on earth, even from death. Your lives won't be worth shit either, and I *will* see to that.
Wait!
Your evil has picked just the wrong target. Nothing mystical, no voodoo - just damn good planing. A horrible revenge you evil morons could not even conceive of; and how sweetly deserved it will be. Let the punishment fit the crime.

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