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Findlaw: Legal Dictionary

Find legal terms with and
Merriam-Webster's Dictionary of Law [Seems to have gone]

Legal Encyclopedia & Law Dictionary - The 'Lectric Law Library Reference Room

Caryn E Montague and Associates
Montague Insurance Consulting Services
Independent agents providing a wide variety of services,
including Financial, Estate and Retirement planning.
Claims Consultants and Expert Witnesses.

   Personally recommended!
	   -- Bill


Florida Homeowner's Insurance Crises News

Please also see Paul Angel's

Our Legislatures and Judiciaries are being bought by the Insurance Cartel. Ignore the hype of the front page, and look at the actual proposed CA legislation at

THIS IS IT! I've actually found one.
The ONLY insurance company from which you can expect a fair deal (so far)
Auto Owners Insurance
If they screw up, there is no hope, excepting a domestic insurrection
that would put the French Revolution in the category of Sunday play
in the park. Kill 'em all; let God sort 'em out.
PS: I have no affiliation with this company except having just switched coverage to them. Other than that they don't even know I exist. Given the racketeering competition, let them survive, prosper and live long on their moral standards. If anybody has complaints about them please email me; I'm sticking my researched neck out here.
OK - I stuck my neck out, and have now received two emails indicating that "Auto Owners" probably behaves in just they same way as all the others. Nobody is safe. The RICO revolution that I expected has not happened, and my experience says that this is mostly due to the fact that most attorneys are nothing more than paper pushing wimps.
Please take note of the idiot Californians who knuckeled under with the insurance cartels's propaganda on propositions 30 and 31. Like it or not, our country as a federal republic is a lost cause. I hope everybody likes the ensuing totalitarian Nazism.

Maybe they are all afraid of

Governmnent and Insurer Collusion Rampant: Documentation
Featuring the Louisiana Senator from State Farm.

Wander here
Reasonable Drivers Unanimous
and read about scheming insurance companies in collusion with
equally scheming and thieving government.
Surely you had the suspicion, but maybe not the proof.
The best part?
Tips on how to beat them at their own crooked games.
Have no doubt, you ARE the enemy & the cash cow.

State Farm Exposed on NBC's Dateline - Paperchase (John Larsen) Top of State Farm in the News

[New June 15, 2000] On the other hand, see the results of the courageous Senator Martha Escutia of California in the outrageous Quackenbush scandal. National news doesn't seem to be paying attention here. Why, l just wonder why? :-)

[New August 13, 1999]
HAMMEL et al. v. STATE FARM, et al.

[New - October 13, 2000]
Expert Witness against State Farm
[Extract from Jim Mooney's Insurance Crime Outline]
James Mathis's Webpage: MEC

[New - June 23, 2000]
A genuine insurance consumer advocate, expert witness and
former employee of State Farm.

[New - September 17, 1998]

Insurer's fraud and racketeering aided and abetted by your government.

NEW [November 7, 1999]
Chris Hasney going against MetLife in Federal Court
Pro Se & ERISA Litigation Resources

NEW [June 19, 1999]
Independently Owned Autoglass Replacement Shops
of the US Unite in Coordinated Class Action Suits.

NEW [December 6, 1999]
Dr. John Baker being attacked by Selective Insurance
For exposing them.
This is the letter he got from Selectives's attorneys
His response is found at:

NEW [April 29, 1999]
Dr. John Raymond Baker's State Farm Page
State Farm Insurance:
The Information State Farm Does Not Publish On Its Pages

NEW [February 4, 1999]
RICO Pro Se,
An Amateur's primer on filing against one's insurer under RICO, in light of the January 20, 1999 Supreme Court decision in
Humana v Forsyth.

The people of the United States are being lied to every day by politicians and by the media that there is a GREAT problem with policy holders defrauding their insurance carriers. Assuming this problem actually exists, and in all probability it does, it involves pocket change next to the horrors, fraud and and outright theft that is routinely and calculatedly perpetrated by the entire insurance industry on captive policy holders who, practically speaking, have a gun held to their heads by their State Governments, while their beloved Federal Government looks on silently. The State regulatory agencies brought into being by McCarren-Fergusson are almost all bought by the insurance companies; whole State governments have been bought. State Judges have been bought, and even Congressional respresentatives and Senators have been bought. Whatever insurance you think you have been paying for is nonexistent. Whatever legal or even moral protection you think you have from your totally corrupt government is equally nonexistent. Insurance companies are quite literally getting away with systematic murder of their policyholders, corruption of our government, destruction of the medical profession and castration of the legal profession. The specifics of that outrageous and malevolent plague is the subject of this set of webpages.

California Injured Worker - Eileen Koontz - Home Page
A NEW LINK: January 6, 1999
Injured Workers' Alliance
With many links, and archived information exposing the details of the corruption of Insurance Companies and Government in
"Workman's Compensation"
See Their FTP Archive

Injured Workers' Coalition of New York State

Workman's Compensation in North Carolina:
Although this document is dated from November 1997, it is a lengthy exposition of definitions, entitlements, laws and statutes, together with citations of case law; it may therefore be a useful reference.
"Workers' Compensation Managed Care" by Commissioner J. Randolph Ward

Lest Americans think that they are the only targets of destruction, torture and thievery by a corrupt government criminal physicians and criminal insurance companies, see the plight of Jean Godbout of Quebec Canada.

   New From Paula and Jim [04/11/99]


   A new sister site called "Insurancegate"  has sprung up, with horror stories
   and links (nice background music, too).  It's at:

   Go visit -- we're far from the only ones and this form of citizen exposure
   will only increase as the old media continues to be derelict in its duty.
   The site is Canadian, but many companies that operate here operate there.
   Besides, this industry is corrupt on a Worldwide basis -- we just don't have
   time to cover it all -- but the rotten bad-faith practices of this industry
   are a technology of crime that is global in scope.  The same dirty tricks
   are used all over the world.

Also read about the corrupt insurance companies of Thailand.

The Independent Medical Examination:
Personal Experiences, Links to Attorneys' Essays

A Conversation on Reality, Truth and Belief And The Assessment of Truthfulness In The World of Insurance.

Fascism and the Art of Medicine [Essay]
Medical Whore Alert

Insurance Horror Stories

Is impoverishment of policyholders by insurance companies standard operating procedure?

Legal Cases of Interest


Comic Relief

                     Nessun maggior dolore
                     che ricordarsi del tempo felice
                     nella miseria.

                            -- F. da Rimini


RICO Laws and Insurance

Letters and News: Judy Morris, M.D. (judydoc) Home Pages
UNUM, Provident, LTD insurance
Much Information, Many Essays, Legal Matters

October 20, 1998
[Note: This is a very large document]

UNUM and Provident to Merge
Jason Adkins 				(617) 367-1040
George E. Ginther 			(716) 881-1800
			 		(716) 553-3800 Site to Facilitate Policyholder, Public Participation in
June 14-16 Public Hearings in Maine
This would be a disaster of worldwide proportions,
that must be stopped.
UNFORTUNATELY! - due to the corruption of the State of Maine's
Government and in particular Superintendent of Insurance Iuppa
The ABOMINATION was forced through against ANY objection.
Watch for Iuppa to have a lucrative position with the new
Leviathan Insurance company.
May it be RICO'd to death.

Insurance Horror Stories.
Gratuitous Evidence For What Every
Plaintiffs' Tort Attoney Knows.

  1. My Insurance Complaint
    Submitted to the New Jersey Department of Insurance.
  2. My Partner's Insurance Complaint
    Submitted to the New Jersey Department of Insurance.
  3. The Ongoing State Farm Indemnity Saga
    Additions to this page suspended during litigation.


If you have your own horror story or link that describes it, I will add a page or link here for you, respecting any degree of privacy you specify. See the following list.

Top of Page

  1. Frank Lijoi & CNA Insurance
  2. Connie S. Ray
    A Teacher abused by a school system, Workers' Comp. and Travelers Insurance.
  3. Minnesota, Perhaps the Ultimate in Insurance Corruption
    State Farm Prescribes Burnt Wood for Rebuilding a House.
    You cannot get punitive damages against an insurance company in the State of Illinois (State Farm's Home State). I wonder how much in bribery of lawmakers that cost?
    Please read this. Beryl Gersch has put together a monumental list of links that describe, in total, a completely criminal upper management of State Farm Mutual Automobile Insurance Company. This management also controls all the supposedly independent incorporated subsidiaries in the State Farm Group.
  5. Jeff Johnson Letter
    State Farm Abuse (physical thuggery) in Oregon
  6. Jeff Johnson [Link]
    Medicals denied, of course, AND PHYSICALLY BEATEN.
  7. Yet MORE State Farm
  8. Another Insurance Horror Story has taken to the Internet
  9. Rob Raible - Fight Managed Care [Link]
    And while you are here, please be sure to check out the rest of Rob Raible's splendid Fight Managed Care Website.
  10. State Farm refuses all auto claims!! [Link]
  11. Andrew Tobias is a Phony Consumer Advocate! - State Farm Employee [Link]
  12. State Farm Sucks [Link]
  13. State Farm coverage = NO COVERAGE [Link]
  14. State Farm Adjuster Mocks Neurologist Who Ordered Test [Link]
  15. Allstate Insurance Sucks [Link]
  16. Physician Gag Orders by HMOs [Link]
  17. Marty M. [Link]
  18. Cyber Vigilante [Link]
    "You're in Bad Hands With Allstate"
    A very large site devoted to the abuses of Allstate.
    Don't miss their guestbook; DON'T miss this site.
  19. [Link]
    An even more monumental reincarnation of Cyber Vigilante that covers the corruption of the insurance cartel, its regulating agencies and State and Federal Governments. This is a researcher's gold mine. Bravo Jim Mooney, author of the News Letter: The Insurance Crime (ICO) Outline, and thanks for this site. Note that as of Feb. '99, Jim has archived the the ICO newsletters. You can write to him with information, or to suscribe at
  20. Excepts From The Allstate [Insurance] Crimelist]!
  21. [Email from Cyber Vigilante (With Permission)]
  22. HMO: US Hellcare [Link]
  23. JF from NM [Email printed with Permission]
  24. Carol on the UNUM insurance IME [Email printed with Permission]
  25. Steve Russell on the UNUM [Email printed with Permission]
  26. A Growing Collection of IME Stories with Sources,
    References and Links
  27. Issues: Judy Morris, M.D., PWM (formerly PWC) [Link]
  28. Letters and News: Judy Morris, M.D.
  29. <>
    HMO Horror Stories
  30. <>
    Sam Brola's Nightmare with Healthcare
  31. <>
    Re Tenet Healthcare on HELIX
  32. One man's fight with modern medicine and government
    The Hell of HMO Arbitration and Government Abuse
  33. KBD's problems with Provident Insurance [Link]
    This Provident site is now back up at, as before
  34. "This is a personal story. The Company is Paul Revere/Provident."
    It is a story of "Abuse of Power" by a large insurance company.
  35. American Family Insurance Denies Medical Benefits
  36. Farmers Insurance News Alert
    fraud, farmers insurance group, ratings, legal action, lawsuits.
  37. Dentist Wins in AZ Against General American Life.

Top of Page

                          Other Sites & Articles
                             Legal & Medical

  2. Deja: Criminal Insurance Companies (News Group)
    A growing database on insurers' badfaith, for research and attorney contacts. Victims, fill out the survey and help everybody.
    Large site covering news on all types of insurance, including various legal actions.
  5. - Allstate, GEICO, Nationwide, and USAA sued over auto parts
  6. I-Can Family: A National Network of Insurance Consumer Advocates Specializing in Insurance Claims Help and Tips.
  7. ATLA (American Trial Lawyers Association) NET Public Homepage
  8. Legal Resources and Associations
  9. Diego C. Asencio: Florida Attorney Specializing in Insurance Law
  10. Legal and Governmental Resources
  12. State Farm claims
  13. Autobody Online Forum Discussion Board
  14. Autobody Online - the information resource for autobody and automotive collision repair
  15. Health Care Law - Table of Cases
  16. Summary Judgements Manual - January 28, 1994
  17. Insurance: Who's being sued by whom.
    NB: This is an insurance industry site.
  18. Cyber Vigilante: The buying of State Insurance Commissioners
  19. INSURANCE Bad Faith LITIGATION (Campbell v. State Farm Mutual Auto Insurance)
  20. Opinion in Campbell v. State Farm Mutual Auto Insurance
    [PDF Format - 1747KB]

    No. 890905231, slip op. at 53 (Third Judicial Dist., Salt Lake
    City, Utah, Aug. 3, 1998)
  22. U.S. House of Representatives - Internet Law Library - Insurance Law
  23. The Legal Pad (TLP) Insurance Law Links
  24. The Mining Comapany: Journals and Law Review - Legal Industry - Net Links
  25. - insurance company bad faith law resources and
    information for consumers (Travelers, Essex, State Farm, Aetna)
  26. GAO Finds that NAIC Solvency Standards are Weak
    (NAIC = National Association of Insurance Commissioners)
    Funded by the Insurance Industry!
    Insurance Comissioners are the ones provided by McCarren-Fergusson who are to REGULATE insurance in a given State.
    What's wrong with this picture?
  27. NAIC Library Brochure
    An interesting and extensive bibliography on various topics related to insurance.
  28. Physicians Need To Fight The Business Model Of Medicine
    Bernard Lown, M.D, Hippocrates 12(5): 25-28, 1998.
    Copyright 1998 Time Publishing Ventures Inc.
  29. The Fall of ERISA? A decision by the Supreme Court of PA.
  30. FindLaw: Supreme Court Opinions Map of Insurance Regulators/Commissions by State
  31. Fraud Related US Code - The Fraud Information Center (TFIC)
  32. S&S Law - Tort Law
    This publication contains a Mid-Atlantic Regional Insurance and
    Tort Law survey which addresses the applicable law in those areas
    of particular interest to the liability insurance industry, in the
    States of New Jersey, Delaware, Pennsylvania, Maryland, Virginia,
    West Virginia and the District of Columbia.
  33. The McCarran-Ferguson Act Anticompetitive or Procompetitive?
  34. McCarran-Ferguson Act Contents (A Bibliography List)
  35. McCarran-Ferguson Act
    (with links to related legislation - only brief descriptions)
  36. While Healthcare Evolves, Antitrust Law Endures -
    Richard S. Rhodes
  37. M&C Public Library - Supreme Court Alert
    (Precedent: RICO v. McCarran-Ferguson, ERISA and more)
  38. ERISA'S DARK SIDE: RETIREE HEALTH BENEFITS, FALSE EMPLOYER PROMISES AND THE PROTECTIVE JUDICIARY By HENRY H. ROSSBACHER, ESQ. JAMES S. CAHILL, ESQ. & LINDA L. GRIFFIS, ESQ.: ROSSBACHER & ASSOCIATES Union Bank Plaza, 24th Floor 445 South Figueroa Street Los Angeles, California 90071 213/895-6500 [As printed in the DePaul Business Law Journal, Volume 9, Number 2, Spring/Summer 1997, at p. 305]
  39. NAFSAGR - Fraud in auto glass replacement
  40. Insurance News Network - Prudential documents released Insurance News Network - Prudential documents released and Online Documents made public in December show Florida officials were prepared to file civil racketeering charges against Prudential Insurance Co. of America before the two sides reached a settlement.
  41. 6th Circuit Court rules M-F premmpt RICO in fraud of insurers Sixth Circuit Court Holds That the McCarran-Ferguson Act Preempts
    Application of Rico to Alleged Fraudulent Acts of Insurer
    But, now see:
  42. Supreme Court Decision on Humana v. Forsyth
  43. [Kenty v. Bank One, No. 93-4211, 1995 U.S. App.
    LEXIS 30402 (6th Cir. 1995)]
  44. NJ Chiropractors' RICO Lawsuit Survives Challenge U.S. Court Allows Class Action Against State Fraud Investigators, Alleging Statewide Scheme to Extort Money from Healthcare Providers, to Go Forward. CITATION:
    Chiropractic Alliance of New Jersey v. Parisi, 854 F.Supp. 299,
    No. 93-2071, U.S.Dist.Ct. for the District of New Jersey,
    May 27, 1994.
    Reported in: Health Law Digest, Vol. 22, No. 7, July 1994.
    Plaintiff Chiropractic Alliance of New Jersey, a nonprofit
    association of chiropractors, brought a class action against
    officers and investigators of the New Jersey Department of
    Insurance, Fraud Division ("DIFD").
  45. Commercial Union Consumers' Forum.coninfo Allstate
  46. New York State Senate - Insurance Industry Regulation
  47. Insurer Efforts To Limit Reimbursement For Independent Counsel:
    The Policyholder's Perspective
  48. Corporate Crime in America (A Governmental Symposium)
  50. - insurance company bad faith law resources
    and information for consumers
  51. Sidney's Home Page (Personal Injury - Colorado)
  53. Law Letter (Texas A&M) Vol 6. #3 - Bad Faith and Punitive Damages
  54. Punitive Damages: The Debate Continues (1986)
  55. Trial Tips - First Party Actions for Bad Faith
  56. Punitive Damages and the Louisiana Constitution
  57. Internet Insurance Resource Center - Anderson Kill & Olick
    An extensive and useful source of information.
  58. Anderson Kill & Olick - Vacatur Page
  59. 16,000 Physicians File Suit against Prudential
  60. Q & A Re Automobile Insurance in New Jersey
    Automobile Insurance Cost Reduction Act, [Sure - uh huh]
    Adopted May 19, 1998
    - American Trial Lawyers Association of New Jersey
    They can't say this, but I will: read between the lines and DON'T BEND OVER. Abandon all hope ye who enter NJ, and make the mistake of living there.
  61. Repeal No-Fault - American Trial Lawyers Association of New Jersey
  62. S3 NJ Legislature: Insurance Cost Reduction Act
  63. The Absolute Failure of No Fault
  64. Harvey Rosenfield Testifies on No Fault Insurance
    Your Source for Medical and Healthcare Information
  66. An Austin TX, M.D. on insurance corruption.
  67. Austin TX, M.D.
    and his Information of Specific Health Insurance Companies' Scales
  68. Mark Gaines's Healthcare Activist Site
    Health Administration Responsibility Project (HARP)

    Discussion by doctors and lawyers of the insurance problems
  70. LawInfo.Com:
  71. BOURHIS & WOLFSON: The Lawyers' Insurance Resources Page:
  72. 10/2/95 STALKED BY ALLSTATE (Fortune Magazine - Agent is stalked)
  73. Financial Services alerts (Many Allstate Links)
  74. Allstate Insurance Scream Net
  75. ICLE: 1997 Michigan Court of Appeals Opinions
  76. Workers' Compensation 54th Annual Report - Nebraska (658k)
  77. OCPA - Insurance/Managed Care Committee
  78. Oversight-Results.Com Home Page
    Oversight-Results.Com is a public resource for expert information
    on the Insurance Fraud Prevention Act and Congressional oversight
    of insurer solvency regulation in the United States and overseas.
    NB: This is designed to tell insurance companies how to beat the law.

Top of Page

                           Legal Cases/Sites of Interest

  1. Compile specific statistics on Federal Civil Cases
  2. Miller v. State Farm (WV Appellate Court) - damages during litigation
  3. Louisiana Court Blasts IME Physician for bias toward Insurance Company
  4. State Farm Fire & Casualty v. Superior Court of Los Angeles
    Filed April 22, 1997 - Denies Sealing of "Zuniga evidence"
  5. Gourley v. State Farm Mut. Auto. Ins. Co. [53 Cal.3d 121]
    The question of interest on award of compensatory and punitive damages: no - when these are brought to recover personal rather than physical damage.
  6. Faulkner v. Allstate
    Finding for Plaintiff
    Issue: The court's understanding of the complexity of "proximate
    cause", that there may be more than one and that they need not
    be mutually exclusive, nor sole causes.
  7. Forsyth v. Humana, Inc.
    The Supreme Court has agreed to hear the case regarding
    the civil use of RICO laws against insurance companies
    believed to be engaging in racketeering.
    On January 20, 1998, Forsyth has finally prevailed absolutely. Only our dithering Congress can make this behavior of insurers once again legal and acceptable.
  8. Kenty v. Bank One
    (Civil use of RICO)
  9. Rebecca Ladd v ITT Corp. and Metlife
    An ERISA suit reversed in favor of Plaintiff, by the 7th Circuit
    Court of Appeals on the basis of judicial estoppel.
  10. Maynard v. State Farm Insurance Co.- (9/29/95) sp-4261
    At issue - a question of law: may an insurer subrogate against its own insured. The Alaskan Supreme Court applies the wording of the policy as a contract of adhesion to the specific facts of the case. Much too complicated to review in sentence.
  11. Woody v. State Farm
    United States District Court for the Eastern District of Pennsylvania (Statutes in Bad Faith Actions)
  12. Kristi Wussow, Respondent, vs. Western National Mutual Insurance, Appellant. CX-96-2031, Court of Appeals Unpublished, May 20, 1997.
  13. Ace v. Aetna Life Insurance Company
  15. Nascimento v. Harvard Community Health Plan
  16. Robbins v. HIP of New Jersey
  17. Van Nguyen v. State Farm
           State of Minnesota in Supreme Court C2-95-2305
           Considered and decided by the court en banc without oral argument.
           KEITH, Chief Justice.

    This case presents the question of whether a judgment entered pursuant to the mandatory, nonbinding arbitration provisions of Minn. Gen. R. Prac. 114.09 may be vacated for excusable neglect under Minn. R. Civ. P. 60.02. Appellant State Farm challenges the district court's determination, affirmed by the court of appeals, that a judgment entered under Minn. Gen. R. Prac. 114.09 may not be vacated under Minn. R. Civ. P. 60.02. Nguyen v. State Farm Mut. Auto. Ins. Co., 546 N.W.2d 37, 40 (Minn. App. 1996). We reverse.

  18. Heaton v. Crum and Forster Insurance Co. (Summary)
  19. Ronnie Woodall, et ux. v. Travelers Indemnity Company (Review)
  20. State Farm Mutual v. Fortin, et al
  21. Morgan, et al v. State Farm Mutual
  22. State Farm Mutual v. Long, et al
  23. Phillips v. State Farm Mutual Automobile
  24. Singh v. Dillon and State Farm Auto Insurance (10/8/93) sp-4011
  25. State Farm Auto Parts Litigation - Court Ordered Notice.
  26. Diane S. Hassen, et al. v. State Farm Mutual Automobile Insurance Company
  27. 76573 -- Hamilton v. State Farm Fire & Cas. Co. --
    Davis -- Kansas Supreme Court
  28. PTLA Verdict, Volume XV Issue 3 -- January 1997
    (Re: Frazier v. State Farm &anp; Barnum v. State Farm) Bad Faith

    Discussion of court trends in cases of Bad Faith of Insurers.
  29. Re: Pavia v. State Farm (Bad Faith NY)
    Large file - Complicated Real Estate case.
  30. Hartwell v. Gallant Insurance
    WV, Gallant appeals default judgement against its insured based on an alleged technical fault in service. Appeal is denied. Details too complex to summarize.
  31. DOCKET NUMBER: A1682-96 Superior Court of
    New Jersey Appelate Division - Kor v. National Consumers Insurance

    The uniderinsured motorist insurer (UIM) and the tortfeasor's insurer are the same carrier.
  32. Commonwealth v. Ellis
  33. Lavender v State Farm
  34. FORSYTH V. HUMANA, 94-16548 (05-23-97)
  35. BLUE RIDGE INSURANCE V. VAN ORT, 96-55839 (04-24-98) - An Obscenity of Justice

State Farm has attempted to use alleged "scientific" experts to call their policy holders liars in court. There experts routinely dispute that low impact collisions can cause injuries claimed. These experts are, in fact, effectively, employees of State Farm and will say what they are told to say. This is nothing more than an extension of the Medical Whore Principle that all insurance companies have been using for years.

In disputation of State Farm's new calculated method of attempted fraud, see the following professional bibliography.

PILF - Scientific Documentation of the REALITY of Low Impact Injuries

Top of Page
                 IS THERE NO LIMIT TO THEFT and MURDER?
	"Hawaii High Court Overturns AIDS Disability Case Decision" 
	Journal of Commerce (12/24/97) P. 8A
	     A Circuit Court ruling that permitted Paul Revere Insurance
	Co. to deny disability payments to an AIDS patient has been 
	reversed by the Hawaii Supreme Court. The case involved a dentist 
	who died in September, nearly 12 years after the insurance 
	company issued him a disability income insurance policy. Three 
	months after the man filed for benefits, saying he was completely 
	disabled by HIV, the insurance company halted all payments and 
	ordered the man to repay the funds he had already received 
	because his illness was a preexisting condition. Two years ago, 
	the Circuit Court made a summary judgment in favor of Paul Revere 
	Insurance, but the state Supreme Court sent the case back for a 
	jury trial.
Comic Relief?

   I must be a mushroom:
   they keep me in the dark and feed me lots of bullshit.

   Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean you're not being followed.

   "Its morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money."
           -- Motto of State Farm Insurance

   STRESS: That confusion created as the mind overrides the body's desire
           to choke the living shit out of some asshole who desparately
           needs it.

  The following courtesy of Caryn Montague.

  Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers
  journal, the following are questions actually asked of witnesses by
  attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given
  by insightful witnesses:

From a little book called "Disorder in the Court."
They're things people actually said in court, word for word.

 Q: What is your date of birth?
 A: July fifteenth.
 Q: What year?
 A: Every year.
 Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
 A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
 Q: This myasthenia gravis-does it affect your memory at all?
 A: Yes.
 Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
 A: I forget.
 Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've
 Q: How old is your son-the one living with you.
 A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
 Q: How long has he lived with you?
 A: Forty-five years.
 Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke
     that morning?
 A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
 Q: And why did that upset you?
 A: My name is Susan.
 Q: And where was the location of the accident?
 A: Approximately milepost 499.
 Q: And where is milepost 499?
 A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
 Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
 A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
 Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
 A: After the accident?
 Q: Before the accident.
 A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
 Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the
     voodoo or occult?
 A: We both do.
 Q: Voodoo?
 A: We do.
 Q: You do?
 A: Yes, voodoo.
 Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue
    lights flashing?
 A: Yes.
 Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
 A: Yes, sir.
 Q: What did she say?
 A: What disco am I at?
 Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
     he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
 Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
 Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
 Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
 Q: Did he kill you?
 Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
 Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
 Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
 Q: She had three children, right?
 A: Yes.
 Q: How many were boys?
 A: None.
 Q: Were there any girls?
 Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
 A: Yes.
 Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
 Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon,
     didn't you?
 A: I went to Europe, Sir.
 Q: And you took your new wife?
 Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
 A: By death.
 Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
 Q: Can you describe the individual?
 A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
 Q: Was this a male, or a female?
 Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a Deposition 
     Notice which I sent to your attorney?
 A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
 Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
 A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
 Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
 A: Oral.
 Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
 A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
 Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
 A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an 
 Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
 A: No.
 Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
 A: No.
 Q: Did you check for breathing?
 A: No.
 Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
     began the autopsy?
 A: No.
 Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
 A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
 Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
 A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
 Q: You were not shot in the fracas?
 A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.

			The Subject was LAWYERS

   Did you hear about the terrorists who took a whole
   courtroom full of lawyers hostage?
   They threatened to release one every hour until their
   demands were met.
   Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their
   latest stamps?
   They had pictures of lawyers on them ... and people
   couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
   How are an apple and a lawyer alike?
   They both look good hanging from a tree.
   How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a
   future lawyer?
   She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.
   How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
   His lips are moving.
   How does an attorney sleep?
   First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
   How many lawyer jokes are there?
   Only three The rest are true stories.
   How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
   How many can you afford?
   How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
   You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb.
   Now, if you're looking for a lawyer to screw a light
   bulb . . .
   How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light
   Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake the
   ladder. And one to sue the ladder company.
   If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and
   you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch
   or read the paper?
   What are lawyers good for?
   They make used car salesmen look good.
   What did the lawyer name his daughter?
   What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?
   They're both extinct.
   What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
   Only one in 300,000 of them will become a human
   What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
   What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of
   the ocean?
   A good start!
   What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
   What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
   Your Honor.
   What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a
   crooked lawyer?
   Chelsea Clinton.
   What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon
   from hell?
   Another lawyer.
   What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
   His partners.
   What does a lawyer do after sex?
   Pays the bill.
   What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?
   What does a lawyer use for birth-control?
   His personality.
   What happens to a lawyer who jumps out of a plane at
   35,000 feet without a parachute?
   Who cares?
   What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
   Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.
   What type of apparel is the most popular with lawyers?
   What's the difference between a dead dog in the road
   and a dead lawyer in the road?
   There are skid marks in front of the dog.
   What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of
   The bucket.
   What's brown and black and looks really good on a
   A Doberman.
   What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?
   The pronunciation.
   What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
   You cry when you cut up an onion.
   What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
   The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
   What's another difference between a lawyer and a
   Removable wingtips.


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Created: 1997
Last Updated: September 30, 2001
Last Updated: December 4, 2001
Last Updated: June 15, 2002
Last Updated: September 22, 2002
Last Updated: July 7, 2007